'Robbers' is a love song, it was originally inspired by my love of the Quentin Tarantino film 'True Romance', the story of an Elvis obsessed loner who falls in love and marries a prostitute. In the movie the couple run away to California after killing her pimp and stealing his drugs to start a new life financed by a once in a lifetime drug deal. It's the sentiment behind the film that appeals to me, the hopelessly romantic notion that two people can meet and instantly fall in love, an escape story where love is the highest law and conquers all against the odds. Characters like Bonnie and Clyde always appealed to me as a teenager - couples so intoxicated with one another that they fear nothing in the pursuit of the realisation of each other, actions fueled by blind unconditional love.
'Robbers' is an ode to those relationships. The type of relationship all humans long for. All or nothing.
[Robbers] is about when love makes two people feel they are the centre of the universe.
Depression is hard to understand, because it is not a consistent state. Depression is rather like a virus, but like a virus, it has its manageable days and its acute, life-threatening flare-ups. You can be in a depression and still laugh at a friend’s joke or have a good night at dinner or manage low-level functioning. You grocery shop and stop to pet a puppy on the corner, talk to friends in a café, maybe write something you don’t hate. When this happens, you might examine your day for clues like reading tea leaves in a cup: Was it the egg for breakfast that made the difference? The three-mile run? You think, well, maybe this thing has moved on now. And you make no sudden moves for fear of attracting its abusive attention again.
But other times…
Other times, it’s as if a hole is opening inside you, wider and wider, pressing against your lungs, pushing your internal organs into unnatural places, and you cannot draw a true breath. You are breaking inside, slowly, and everything that keeps you tethered to your life, all of your normal responses, is being sucked through the hole like an airlock emptying into space. These are the times Holly Golightly called the Mean Reds.
its too bad tumblr changed the layout of this and i dont have the option of “read more” at my fingers anymore. im sure theres still a way how, but im lazy. so, sorry everyone if this is annoying on your dash.
its probably a reason why i barely use tumblr anymore. even though tumblr isnt necessarily private, who actually clicks on the read more links? it was my way to emotionally purge. good or bad, those thoughts that came to me at 2 am when i couldnt sleep. kinda like now?
anyway, its probably the lack of sleep, or maybe its the 2 tylenol pms, but regardless, i think i just had my oshit im graduating moment. where the fuck has the time gone? it seems like just yesterday i created my tumblr while sitting in my dorm room, the sun shining and the window open and typing away while kayla and i sat and watched tv. it seems like just yesterday i was laying out outside of my dorm reading my social psych textbook.
its funny when you actually realize how much youve changed. i didnt really think i had. i kind of separated high school and college as two different people but really, i was still naive. i had so much to learn. honestly, i still do.
they always tell you “college is gonna go by like a flash” and it really did. it blows my mind to think how long ive known people or where i met them or how our relationships have changed, better or worse. im actually in disbelief about how many people ive met here and the kinds of friends ive made. and thats all gonna be over in a matter of weeks, at least the daily life as i know it.
what really brought this on was the feeling ive gotten every april 16th. theres not been a day where i questioned my choice to come to tech, and in fact i cant imagine where or who id be had i not. im immensely thankful for that. i always said college was gonna be the best 4 years of my life when i was 16 and miserable at catholic high, but i really had no idea just how great these years would be.
its honestly awesome (not a word i use often) to go to a school where i feel like i could start a random conversation with 98% of strangers, or where one of those strangers buys my lunch because my meal plan isnt working, or where i feel confident enough to leave my laptop with a total stranger for 20 minutes at the empo while i literally drive home and back because i forgot something.